wow. april. i havent' blogged since april. it's august and time is slipping past me. i don't know how to hold onto it anymore. it use to seem that days felt like weeks. now months feel like days. make it stop so i can soak it in!!!
my life has become very full. quick recap shall we? i quit my part time job at the museum for a bigger and better opportunity elsewhere. i happen to be sitting at that elsewhere job right now (and somewhat slacking off) and frankly, it feels good. not great but really fucking good. i'm back to working full time after 10 years of on again/off again extra grocery money work. i'm supporting my little family the best i can right now and that part of my liberation is, well, liberating. it's a good, solid, substantial job but i still crave something more. not long term but long enough term to get me where i want to go.
my babies are growing too quickly for my liking. a is a bundle of pre-teen angst and emotion right now. being 11 1/2 is just too much somedays. she questions herself, her friendships, her relationship with me. all normal behavior and she's still the sweetest thing. just sometimes she's a little sour. b is my little crazy man with a heart of gold. he's thriving and blossoming and become quite a little man. it's hard sometimes when i realize that they are growing up and out. out of the nest is a common term for a real reason - because it's true. they spread their wings, find their voices and poof, before you know it their lives are centered around something other than their parents. biggest catch 22 ever.
i've been able to work on the house and have been there for almost a year and a half now. what the what? how in the world did that happen so quickly? i mow my lawn, i clean my house, i paint my rooms, i take care of my humble home with my two hands and moreover...with my heart. i love my little slice of notchomama's and am making it a home the best i know how.
justin and i have gotten through the rough patches and are really enjoying each other again. it feels somewhat new in a way but incredibly familiar. my mother described our relationship as a long term one. she's so intuitive sometimes. she believes that he has loved me for a very long time and nothing will change that love. only time and experience and commitment will strengthen what's already there. but the fact is, the foundation is a strong one. he's still my westley and i am most definitely still his buttercup. we spend more time together, he's becoming more of a constant in my life instead of a weekend romp. it's been wonderful to say the least and this ride wouldn't be nearly as satisfying without him along. swoon.
all in all i feel like life is starting to settle in around me instead of me settling in around it. know what i mean? for such a long time i felt like i was just dog paddling around an endless body of water. not so much waiting to be rescued but just not being sure which direction to find the shore. it's funny really. never thought of myself as a swimmer but lately i feel like i'm perfect my strokes. it's a crazy mixeup up little world and i'm just happy to wake up on the right side of the dirt. thankful for the good and bad.
bottoms up, y'all. let's set this bitch on FIRE!
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