Current mood:fan-damn-tastic!
.............. 
I was just sitting here preparing to write this blog that has been in my head for the past two weeks. It’s been started, stopped, dictated and scratched. Never quite feels right. As I was thinking of how I would describe my decision to get this tattoo I came to the realization that it’s just not necessary. I honestly don’t feel like I have to defend it, considering I am a grown woman and all, so it’s not about that. It’s more about never forgetting why I decided to get this particular tattoo on this particular part of my body at this particular time in my life. However, I don’t think I’ll ever need to be reminded of the why’s and where’s. I’m not sure that I could put into words how much the damn thing means to me anyway.
Instead I want to remember what it represents to me. It represents freedom, love, perseverance, unwrapping, unfolding. This list goes on and on but one thing that it represents, without a shadow of a doubt, is being comfortable in my own skin. Iris Morning-Dew, the alter ego inspired by a ridiculously silly name generator, has become a part of me. Iris is the name of my photography business, the name of the person I found buried beneath years of pain and frustration, the name of a beautiful woman with a big heart. Just so happens that woman is me.
And so I have etched into my skin an image in the shape of a winged heart which is based on a piece by Raymond Pettibon. The name that forms the heart in the middle was designed by yours truly because I really wanted it to be my own. It might look eerily similar to one that is sported on the arm of the man who has stolen my heart but it’s really not about him. Although, according to my love, since we have somewhat matching tattoos we are now officially married in biker terms. I kind of like that idea since I don’t see either of us being the "band of gold" wearing type of married again.
Back to my point, if I even had one...
Granted, I never would have realized who Iris really was without him but it’s more than just finding love. We were just talking the other day and I told him that I have been loved before and felt loved by those men. But not once, out of all of those men who I loved in return, have I ever believed what they were saying. There’s an enormous difference between being loved by someone else and loving yourself. But when you find someone who actually helps you love yourself, well, there isn’t anything better. That is precisely what this wonderful man has done for me.
He has helped me appreciate and love me. As is, no questions asked. I think I’ve stated before that I’m not sure that I believe in soul mates and I still stand behind that statement. Maybe. But when you find a person who stirs your soul the way he has for me, you can’t imagine your life without them.
And so it begins. Life doesn’t wait for everything to be just right and just so. After all, I’m still married, jobless, lacking real direction but like I said, life doesn’t wait around for a perfect time. Instead it decides where to take you and you have no choice but to steer yourself in that general direction. I feel like the end of a chapter is nearing and the beginning of a happier one is just beginning. I don’t know what my future will hold but I’m going into it with something I have never had before. I have a sense of appreciation and love for me.
My name is Iris and I am fan-damn-tastic!
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