Current mood: tongue tied
I was on the phone with my brother tonight when he brought up something I hadn’t really noticed about myself. I like to make shit up. I like to make up words that better express the way I feel about life.
I like to take a few words and smoosh them all together to come up with my own expression of how it really feels, not just how part of it feels. I mean really. If you feel sad then just say you’re sad. If you feel pathetic, then just say pathetic. But what about when you feel sad that you are pathetic…well that’s just Pathetisad. See, much more expressive and to the point.
The conversation with my brother had me laughing as he used “craptastic” when he was talking to me and said it’s his favorite one of my terms. My terms? My fictionary? I didn’t realize I had created this whole counter culture language among my friends and family. Granted, Urban Dictionary has set the bar incredible high with some favorites such as “Batshit Signal: like the bat signal but used to summon someone crazy” and a recent addition that made me giggle “Vatican Roulette: another term for the rhythm method of birth control”.
So I decided to turn to friends and family and see if anyone else felt that I had my own language. The response was a resounding YES. Holee shitballs, these people think I have my own language. I think it’s funny but I make shit up because I just can’t find the words. Sometimes I find our language is just too vapid and stagnant for what goes on in my brain. Why not bring some life to your typical terms and spice it up. Besides, it makes your tongue feel all tingly and silly.
Here are some of the highlights that were either brought to my attention, some of which I had forgotten using, and others which are simply stuck in my head and rarely come out to play. Some are adopted from movie terms or are things I’ve heard along the way but they are definitely a part of my lingual routine. I’m also apt to put “tastic”, “rific” or “ism” onto just about any term and take them from zero to hero in no time! But rest assured that my fictionary is far from being finished. I think I’ll be coming up with and playing with my own words well into my old age.
Fucktard: pretty self explanatory at this point in the game. And yes, the ex really is a “fucking retarded” piece of work. Hence, fucktard!
Sharted: when you fart but instead a little shit comes out. This term has been used in a few movies but I remember saying it before hearing it on the big screen
Holee Shnikes: a term similar to Holee Shit but adopted from the genius that is “Tommy Boy”
Badassedness: term describing me kicking some serious ass in this life. Booyah!
Iris: if you don't know at this point then just don't read the fucking blog.
Fan-damn-tastic: everything’s better with damn thrown in the middle
Craptastic, Craptasticism and general terms involving the term crap: so crappy that it’s simply fantastic with a major dose of sarchasm
1800rentastud: a term of endearment for the love of my life who just happens to be a stud in bed too.
Man Buffet (I even entered this into Urban Dictionary): look the fucking thing up. It’s a good one. Also in the running was Cornucopia of Cock but I went the Buffet route instead.
Snappytastic or Snaptastic: hate it when people say “oh snap” in that lovely ghetto tone but come on, from a cracker ass like me? Nope. I can’t pull it off so snappytastic is the next best thing.
The Tuesday Curse: for some reason Tuesdays are notoriously bad for me. Fucktard almost always makes an appearance or stirs up trouble on Tuesdays. No one knows why but I designed Kevlar pants for fighting with him on those given days. Unfortunately they rarely work but my ass does look fan-damn-tastic in them.
Kevlar pants: imaginary pants made of fire proof material to fight the “dragon” that is “fucktard”. Generally should be worn on Monway’s (aka Tuesday’s) which just happen to be cursed. Did I mention my ass looks fan-damn-tastic in them? yeah, i thought so.
Monway: I no longer consider Tuesday’s a day (see said curse). Therefore I have decided that they will be called Monday and Wednesday sandwiched to make a Monway. See, it works.
Fraynch Toast Fridays: started roughly a year ago as a way to see Switch while still married to fucktard. We would meet up on a Friday morning, take care of some “things” and then go eat the hell out of some fucking fraynch toast while laughing about our naughty morning. I have come to treasure having Fraynch toast with my sweetie any time, any day.
Switch!!!: the anonymous name I use for the wonderful man in my life. He would scream it in the halls of our high school and scare the shit out of me. He would just randomly sneak up behind me or walk right up to my face and yell “SWITCH!”. No idea why but it was yet another endearing quality…if you can call that a quality.
Nutter McButter, Nutty Butty, Nutt Fucking Butt, or variations of said “Nutter Butter”: a term I use with my very best friend to simply say “I’m having a crazy fucking day. Help!”. Just text “Nutter Butter” and we know that it’s gonna be that kind of day.
Fresh Pots: see Dave Grohl and TCV discussing his caffeine addiction on YouTube. It’s a fucking riot. I’ve been known to just call up my friends and yell “fresh pots” and hang up. Yeah, I have serious issues with caffeine and His Grohliness.
His Grohliness, Grohltastic, Grohli-smokes, and all terms of endearment for the godlike Mr. Dave Grohl: I’m infatuated with His Grohliness and all things Grohl-o-rific. See. It’s Grohltastic!
And last but certainly not least….
The Westley to my Buttercup: Princess Bride reference used in conjunction with my love affair. He is my Westley, a man with unrequited love for a beautiful princess...okay I’m not a beautiful princess but a girl can dream. When he said “as you wish” he meant “I love you”. Come to find out Buttercup actually loves him in return. I compared Switch to Westley back when we were teenagers. I always thought he was a good guy who went unrecognized, sort of like Westley. He remembered it for all these years and carried a flame for me along with that memory. Little did I know he would turn out to be my Westley and that I would love him like no other. I love being Buttercup.
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