Current mood:
artistic this blog has turned into more than a playground for my life. it's a vessel. i can pour into it what i like. drink from it and fill it again and again and again.
yeah, so i'm going through some sort of introspective, artistic, expressive feelings lately. good ones and bad ones but mostly good. and most of it is based feeling lucky to be where i am and have what i have at this very moment. one step, one day, one minute, one movement at a time. so yeah, whatever i write during this period should be taken with a grain of "grateful salt" and i certainly hope i don't look back at this and think delusional rainbows and puppies and sunshine and instead see it for the stream of consciousness instead.
life is giving me plenty to fill it with, both sweet and sour, but not enough time to give it proper attention. i had no idea it could be so cathartic and such an enormous part of me. then again it is "me" just putting it out there. in writing. i don't live with regret often but i do regret not giving myself the credit or time i deserved long ago. i think it's the one thing i will always regret. not embracing this freedom earlier.
all because of a day, a night, a love, a moment, a man, a darkness and a spill. a flood, washing over and washing out everything in it's way. the ebbs and tides, the relation of my life to water is nothing like i would have imagined. it really is a fluid life.
i'm happy, i'm content, my insecurities run deep but the love i have for myself and the love of my family and the love of this incredible man, this incredible spirit overwhelms me. there's a big difference between needing someone in your life and wanting them in your life. i want these people. i want their love and their attention and their company. the fools have been cut away and what remains is brilliant and alive and worthy of my attention and love. how on earth did i get so lucky?
the deepest darkest corners of myself have been removed. flushed away only to be replaced by light. a long time ago switch told me that i had a light, a fire that was dangerous but that he found intriguing, irresistible. he compared it to understanding now why a moth is drawn to a flame even if it means certain danger. i see it now. i see that flame. it's the light that fills the space. no darkness in sight!
yeah, so i'm going through some sort of introspective, artistic, expressive feelings lately. good ones and bad ones but mostly good. and most of it is based feeling lucky to be where i am and have what i have at this very moment. one step, one day, one minute, one movement at a time. so yeah, whatever i write during this period should be taken with a grain of "grateful salt" and i certainly hope i don't look back at this and think delusional rainbows and puppies and sunshine and instead see it for the stream of consciousness instead.
life is giving me plenty to fill it with, both sweet and sour, but not enough time to give it proper attention. i had no idea it could be so cathartic and such an enormous part of me. then again it is "me" just putting it out there. in writing. i don't live with regret often but i do regret not giving myself the credit or time i deserved long ago. i think it's the one thing i will always regret. not embracing this freedom earlier.
all because of a day, a night, a love, a moment, a man, a darkness and a spill. a flood, washing over and washing out everything in it's way. the ebbs and tides, the relation of my life to water is nothing like i would have imagined. it really is a fluid life.
i'm happy, i'm content, my insecurities run deep but the love i have for myself and the love of my family and the love of this incredible man, this incredible spirit overwhelms me. there's a big difference between needing someone in your life and wanting them in your life. i want these people. i want their love and their attention and their company. the fools have been cut away and what remains is brilliant and alive and worthy of my attention and love. how on earth did i get so lucky?
the deepest darkest corners of myself have been removed. flushed away only to be replaced by light. a long time ago switch told me that i had a light, a fire that was dangerous but that he found intriguing, irresistible. he compared it to understanding now why a moth is drawn to a flame even if it means certain danger. i see it now. i see that flame. it's the light that fills the space. no darkness in sight!
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