Current mood:
accomplished today was another saturday down at the arts market. i was there selling my photography and getting my name out and about in this little big town. so far, i've done pretty well monetarily but the biggest reward is knowing that i'm doing something i love, taking a risk and seeing what happens. this business i started in march has taken off and i feel the twinges of familiarity. the pricing, the presentation, the customer questions and special requests, setup, breakdown, selling, marketing. it's all becoming comfortable and i'm enjoying this new found confidence.
but the one thing that i haven't ventured to tackle all alone is the setup and breakdown of the arts market tent and display. the first week out my wonderful pappy helped setup this heavy steel framed 10 x 10 canopy. that in and of itself was enough to make both of us thirsty for a tasty brew at 9am. the next week he was there again. loyally getting up on a saturday morning, showered and dressed for pickup at 8am (and with a hangover no less...seems he and mama bear tied one on the night before!). again we were a team and got the canopy up and ready. damn my dad is cool!
this week, however, i was all alone in a paved parking lot/market with pros all around me. i was the lone ranger of tent setup. and i had my work cut out for me. not only was i doing this for the first time with no help, i was rearranging and adding heavy metal gridwalls and s-hooks to kick my display up to the next level. great time to try something new and incredibly heavy but i've never been the practical type. now if you had told me a year ago that i would be faced with this task on my own with no backup in sight, there are a number of ways i could have reacted.
a. had a full on panic attack followed by a fit of crying and beating myself up over being inadequate (told you fucktard did a number on me).
b. taken it out on somebody else by either screaming or not talking to them at all (note that this would have been in the general vicinity of fucktard because, well, he's fucktard).
c. eaten my way from here to arkansas via large quantities of cheetos....mmmmmm cheetos!
d. all of the above
if you chose (d) you would be correct. without a doubt! i did not believe for a minute that i could do anything on my own. i did not believe that i was the strong capable woman that i am right now. and it's not one thing in particular that has changed. it's everything! i believe it comes from a pleathera of sources. namely the people around me. i have chosen a different path. a better path. a hell of a fun path so far. i sound like a broken record but my gratitude is genuine and plentiful. i am indeed loved.
back to the setup.
i parked my honkin suv, unloaded all the heavy items and began the tent process. i suppose i am stronger than i look so i wasn't scared of the weight, just the shear volume of things to get done! i pulled out the steel framing, set about turning the spider of a contraption into a canopy and next thing you know, i was done. granted, my muscles are achy, i have a nice new shiner of a bruise on my inner knee and likely pulled my right shoulder while lifting the gridwalls. but i fucking did it. ME! I DID THE WHOLE FUCKING THING MYSELF!!! bungy cords were flying, zip ties were tightened, pvc weights secured, artwork hung and all systems go.
it was late morning before i finally gave myself permission to sit down and admire my handiwork. the rest of the day i spent coming and going, talking to customers and other vendors, snapping pictures of other artists work, enjoying the fresh air and the spring weather that graces florida right now. but the majority of the day was spent in quiet contemplation. sketching, thinking, reflecting. thinking of how far i have come, where i'm heading, who is taking the journey with me and how proud i was of my efforts thus far. i'm taking this fucking bull (my life) by the horns and riding it like a pony. who knew i had it in me all along. giddy-up!
now that i know i can put up the tent on my own, i feel accomplished. like i crossed a threshold of independence. however, i'm not sure that i want to do it again anytime soon. i really hope pops will be back out there with me next week. i'm fucking exhausted!!!
but the one thing that i haven't ventured to tackle all alone is the setup and breakdown of the arts market tent and display. the first week out my wonderful pappy helped setup this heavy steel framed 10 x 10 canopy. that in and of itself was enough to make both of us thirsty for a tasty brew at 9am. the next week he was there again. loyally getting up on a saturday morning, showered and dressed for pickup at 8am (and with a hangover no less...seems he and mama bear tied one on the night before!). again we were a team and got the canopy up and ready. damn my dad is cool!
this week, however, i was all alone in a paved parking lot/market with pros all around me. i was the lone ranger of tent setup. and i had my work cut out for me. not only was i doing this for the first time with no help, i was rearranging and adding heavy metal gridwalls and s-hooks to kick my display up to the next level. great time to try something new and incredibly heavy but i've never been the practical type. now if you had told me a year ago that i would be faced with this task on my own with no backup in sight, there are a number of ways i could have reacted.
a. had a full on panic attack followed by a fit of crying and beating myself up over being inadequate (told you fucktard did a number on me).
b. taken it out on somebody else by either screaming or not talking to them at all (note that this would have been in the general vicinity of fucktard because, well, he's fucktard).
c. eaten my way from here to arkansas via large quantities of cheetos....mmmmmm cheetos!
d. all of the above
if you chose (d) you would be correct. without a doubt! i did not believe for a minute that i could do anything on my own. i did not believe that i was the strong capable woman that i am right now. and it's not one thing in particular that has changed. it's everything! i believe it comes from a pleathera of sources. namely the people around me. i have chosen a different path. a better path. a hell of a fun path so far. i sound like a broken record but my gratitude is genuine and plentiful. i am indeed loved.
back to the setup.
i parked my honkin suv, unloaded all the heavy items and began the tent process. i suppose i am stronger than i look so i wasn't scared of the weight, just the shear volume of things to get done! i pulled out the steel framing, set about turning the spider of a contraption into a canopy and next thing you know, i was done. granted, my muscles are achy, i have a nice new shiner of a bruise on my inner knee and likely pulled my right shoulder while lifting the gridwalls. but i fucking did it. ME! I DID THE WHOLE FUCKING THING MYSELF!!! bungy cords were flying, zip ties were tightened, pvc weights secured, artwork hung and all systems go.
it was late morning before i finally gave myself permission to sit down and admire my handiwork. the rest of the day i spent coming and going, talking to customers and other vendors, snapping pictures of other artists work, enjoying the fresh air and the spring weather that graces florida right now. but the majority of the day was spent in quiet contemplation. sketching, thinking, reflecting. thinking of how far i have come, where i'm heading, who is taking the journey with me and how proud i was of my efforts thus far. i'm taking this fucking bull (my life) by the horns and riding it like a pony. who knew i had it in me all along. giddy-up!
now that i know i can put up the tent on my own, i feel accomplished. like i crossed a threshold of independence. however, i'm not sure that i want to do it again anytime soon. i really hope pops will be back out there with me next week. i'm fucking exhausted!!!
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