march 21st...the human connection

the human connection
Current mood:  impressed 

 

....i have a friend. i know, shocking! i have many acquaintances. one might say that i know or know of far too many people. that's what happens when you grown up in a big small town. ninety percent of the people i know have lived here during childhood and return as adults to settle in and raise families. suppose the taste of real life outside of these southern walls isn't for everyone. but as far as friendships are concerned, the real ones are few and far between. the people that i do share my life with i keep very close. there is a common respect and trust between us that astounds me sometimes. we share everything and it's a comfortable place.

but this one friend in particular is very different. there's a veil of mystery. a shroud he carries around his shoulders. a young man in the grand scheme of things that has lived a life full yet incredibly alone. i pick up bits and pieces as i go along. sometimes it's a story about a dark period in his life. a time when no one could stop him from his self destructive habits. and he didn't want them to stop him either. then there are times i hear a joy in his voice that resonates. that true untapped innocent joy. occasionally there is a very boyish charm and sparkle of mischief that comes over him during story telling. it's as if he had forgotten the details of the story until right at that moment, that i'm the first person who has ever listened.

it had me thinking that perhaps i was the first person who ever listened to these experiences, to these tales of childhood heartache to desperation to hope. could it be that this magnificent, genuine human being has never felt close enough to anyone outside of himself to open up and just be? and i'm not talking about the stories themselves. i have an inkling that they have been spoken of before with other friends but the underlying feeling he displays with me is raw. all of this untapped raw energy just waiting for someone to hear it. but has anyone ever really tried to listen?

could i be that person? could i be that one friend who dares to listen. he doesn't scare me. sometimes his tales of personal demons frighten me a bit but not because of subject matter. they scare me because i think of him alone with these things. alone with these invasive thoughts for so long. alone with these feelings of want. no one should have to endure it alone. certainly not this kind of man. in the same respect i have opened myself to him and told him things i reserve for myself, for fear of frightening people with the real story, not just the magnificent tales, but the reality of painful memories. it's as if i have become an open book because he is an open book.

what i see is so much deeper than the conversations. i see the pain. i see the want. i see the need. i see the curiosity. i see the struggle. but mostly, aside from all of it, i see the perseverance, strength, passion, humor of a man whose life is bigger than i can imagine for myself. i see the potential in a man that is simple and sincere but doubt that anyone has ever seen him as such. it's a shame really. i think of all the people that disregard him based on what they think he might be. they lose sight of what's underneath it all. and what's underneath is breathtaking. 

instead i count my blessings and am thankful that i have the honest comradeship of such a noble person in my life. that i have a friendship that extends far beyond what i get from it but instead represents what i think it's really all about. the connection. the human connection that electrifies you and reminds you that you are alive. indeed i am reminded today that i am alive and my life is full because of him.