Current mood:
exhausted ..this is fucking hard.
it's just that simple. this is a fucking hard way to live.
i don't get a break. i know, i know. woe is me...blah, blah, blah. get a life you pathetic piece of shit! but i really don't feel sorry for myself. it's just that these past few weeks have been brutal. i'm just so damned tired. ready for my bitchfest? thought you'd never ask!
i'm a full time mom, full time daughter, full time student, running my own business with my photography which means working weekends, currently venturing into painting murals as well....because i just don't have enough on my plate...part time preschool teacher, part time girlfriend (big happy smiles!) and the entire time i am fighting the evil dragon.
hell, even the strongest people i know would have a tough time dealing with the sheer volume of bullshit that is flung my way on a daily basis. i feel like a bunch of teenagers are pranking me with the flaming bag of dog shit on my front porch. and i stomp it out eagerly. there go another pair of flip flops!
between the texts and the phone calls and the missed appointments and the rescheduling of shit i've missed because i'm too bogged down. then there is the dragon himself and his knack for creating drama where it is not needed. serious drama too. he's such a prick....pffft.....it's enough to drive you absolutely batty sometimes.
but goddamn if i don't feel good about it. this is the hardest and easiest thing i've ever done and today i am keeping myself in check. i am remembering just how miserable i was being in a dead end life. a life with no escape with the exception of the one i made. and now that i'm free, i'm realizing how much i love my decision to dump those concrete shoes. my life is no longer heavy, despite the additional baggage. i'll gladly carry this load.
i'm reminded of something that i read one time. not sure of the author (although my guess is arthur miller but don't quote me on it) about finding out that there is something better out there. once you pick that apple from the tree, you can't stick it back on. once we have found a new way of living there is no way to go back to the old. something about opening that part of yourself, the real part of you, there's no closing it. and that's a good thing.
i will keep reminding myself of that. but right now it really is so fucking hard to keep going. i know it won't always be but right here, right now, i'm looking forward to getting on with things.
this is fucking hard. there. bitchfest complete and on with life. i feel better. do you?
*******
okay. i'm just gonna look the fucking thing up so i can do the author justice. otherwise it will be stuck in my brain and i'll be kicking myself all night for screwing it up. and i was right about arthur miller. damn, i'm good!
*******
“The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less.” - Arthur Miller
it's just that simple. this is a fucking hard way to live.
i don't get a break. i know, i know. woe is me...blah, blah, blah. get a life you pathetic piece of shit! but i really don't feel sorry for myself. it's just that these past few weeks have been brutal. i'm just so damned tired. ready for my bitchfest? thought you'd never ask!
i'm a full time mom, full time daughter, full time student, running my own business with my photography which means working weekends, currently venturing into painting murals as well....because i just don't have enough on my plate...part time preschool teacher, part time girlfriend (big happy smiles!) and the entire time i am fighting the evil dragon.
hell, even the strongest people i know would have a tough time dealing with the sheer volume of bullshit that is flung my way on a daily basis. i feel like a bunch of teenagers are pranking me with the flaming bag of dog shit on my front porch. and i stomp it out eagerly. there go another pair of flip flops!
between the texts and the phone calls and the missed appointments and the rescheduling of shit i've missed because i'm too bogged down. then there is the dragon himself and his knack for creating drama where it is not needed. serious drama too. he's such a prick....pffft.....it's enough to drive you absolutely batty sometimes.
but goddamn if i don't feel good about it. this is the hardest and easiest thing i've ever done and today i am keeping myself in check. i am remembering just how miserable i was being in a dead end life. a life with no escape with the exception of the one i made. and now that i'm free, i'm realizing how much i love my decision to dump those concrete shoes. my life is no longer heavy, despite the additional baggage. i'll gladly carry this load.
i'm reminded of something that i read one time. not sure of the author (although my guess is arthur miller but don't quote me on it) about finding out that there is something better out there. once you pick that apple from the tree, you can't stick it back on. once we have found a new way of living there is no way to go back to the old. something about opening that part of yourself, the real part of you, there's no closing it. and that's a good thing.
i will keep reminding myself of that. but right now it really is so fucking hard to keep going. i know it won't always be but right here, right now, i'm looking forward to getting on with things.
this is fucking hard. there. bitchfest complete and on with life. i feel better. do you?
*******
okay. i'm just gonna look the fucking thing up so i can do the author justice. otherwise it will be stuck in my brain and i'll be kicking myself all night for screwing it up. and i was right about arthur miller. damn, i'm good!
*******
“The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less.” - Arthur Miller
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