Current mood:
strong ..............
Have you ever noticed how interconnected lives can become when you share so much of yourself with someone? It’s kind of like that bubble in the level. Being a Libra, I am acutely aware of my need for balance and maintaining equilibrium. Depending upon your belief in astrological stereotyping, this can either be a given truth or a pile of horse shit. I choose the former. In my case I have always felt a strong need for justice, balance and I have a natural ability to see things from several different angles. It’s probably why I find myself disappointed in unjust situations. Or perhaps I just have a conscience. Either way, I like things even and tempered. In general terms, the label of Libra is an accurate one for me.
I have noticed an interesting trend lately in my relationship with Switch. It’s not just with him but with everyone that I hold dear to me or with whom I feel deeply connected. Right now I see it more with him than with anyone else. I tend to get into a “funk” on a regular basis. Some people only go through it once every few months or maybe once a year but I am a temperamental creature…as if that’s any big news to anyone. You throw in my chemical makeup as that of someone with depression and anxiety, although very well treated, and there are days that are just plain shit. I feel it, it has to be felt and I move on from there. It’s just how I roll.
I recently got into one of my funks and had a difficult time coming out of the death spiral. The entire time I was down I noticed that the people closest to me, especially Switch, were seemingly without many difficulties. That’s not to say that they didn’t have any but the urgency wasn’t there. Even the people in my life who generally have a certain degree of difficulty to overcome were all sailing through life gently. Meanwhile I was entangled. That has shifted in the last couple of weeks and now I am the one who feels like taking on some of the burden.
Switch was sick a few weeks ago. Although I had more than enough on my plate, it was as if I went into hyper mode and had the energy and vigor of someone with no worries. I wanted to help. I wanted to carry the load and make him feel better. My daughter was struggling last week with some mood swings due to some recent changes. It killed me to see her so upset and unbalance but I just sucked it up and made it better.
I had a disappointing day this week but it didn’t hit me until the next day. By then my mother was over her disappointment and could be there to lend me a shoulder. We provided a sounding board for each other over the same subject on different days. I was also sick this past week with what I can only imagine would be Switch’s ailment from last week and I felt downright crappy. Want to know something? He sent me more texts with “I love you” than normal. He was concerned for me and was essentially saying “let me take the burden.”
I find it so interesting that the universe has a mid-line. It has a way of maintaining balance. I have always said that only one person can be down at a time, that’s just the way it works. I think I’m right. Can you imagine what a fucked up world we would have if we all had shitty days at the same time? Fuck! Talk about some messed up yin/yang action!
All I know is that there is a certain calm in knowing that there is someone on the other side who is so in tune with me. In my case there are several people in my life but I feel the most connected with Switch in this sense. He’s the black to my white so to speak or maybe more like a partner with which to play this see-saw like game of life. Whatever role I am playing at any given time, I’m just glad to be playing. Life is about the challenges and the joys of overcoming those challenges and hopefully learning a thing or two about yourself and the people you care for most in the process.
Amazing how we swing back and forth in this wonderful balance. So go ahead and give me your troubles and I'll give you mine. Let’s just make sure we do it in shifts.
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