Current mood:
amused i've always been good at games. i loved sorry, connect 4, concentration just to name a few. but i remember one game in particular that i loved playing with my brother. battleship. oh, that game kicks ass. despite the fact that he is 4 1/2 years my senior and a wicked smart guy, i could read my brother like a book. i always knew when he was bluffing, just how much longer it would take to sink his battleship, which move to make next. it was never a guessing game. i just knew i was going to win, even if i didn't. and when i didn't win, i never felt defeated by him. only challenged to play again.
that's what it comes down to at this point. confidence. knowing that you are right on in your estimation of when and where to make your next move. only now, the moves have far greater stakes in the form of financial well being as well as the well being of two great little redheaded chillens. never doubting that the strategy is the right one is the name of the game. granted, let's not be naive here. there are always times to regroup, restrategize, reevaluate the game. that's what makes you a good player. but the old adage of "never let them see you sweat" could not be any more dead on than right now.
so fucktard wants to play a game i like to call one man up. oh yes, he has decided to try and get one up on me. i don't blame him really. in the strategy department, it's the right time to strike. my defenses are down, i'm shot in the energy department, trying to juggle everyday life with full time motherhood, a part time job, developing a website, starting my own photography business including business licensing, procedures, my attorney and the endless paperwork. honestly, the list just gets longer and more daunting by the hour. but i'm picking one thing at a time and going for it. that "f" word wants so badly to be a part of my life right now but i just won't have it.
fucktard decided not only to close out our mutual checking and savings accounts on monday, he also wanted to show his generous side. he's so sweet that way! so he gave me a check for $500 to last the remainder of the month. it is to be used to buy groceries for me & the kids, electricity, phone, cable, general cost of living kind of thing. what a generous guy, huh? but wait....it gets better. yesterday he decided to file for divorce. now, i had already met with my attorney, approved the paperwork and the like and asked for a temporary hearing to determine "needs" aka financial support so i was feeling pretty one up in the game. but here comes fucktard trying to get in a good move.
well kudos big guy because you indeed did get one up on me the past two days. it had me feeling defeated, annoyed, downright pissy. i literally had to stop myself from punching in a wall, pulling out my hair and plotting some horrible revenge. it takes a good amount to get me that riled up but he pushed those buttons. he moved his peg into E4 and almost took down my big ship. almost.
but i rallied and remembered back to the confidence of being a kiddo playing a game involving plastic ships and pegs. strategy, timing, arrogance, confidence, determination. this time i don't have to try and determine what he'll do next. i already know what he's planning. i can read him less like a book and more like cliff notes at this point. after all, fucktard is anything but worthy of book binding.
so i'll press on with this lovely little game. and by lovely, i mean anything but lovely. in fact, it's a big fucking messing and fucktard is certainly manning his own vessel on this one. nope, no more copilot to tell him right from wrong, which way to head to thwart off danger or a pirate attack. instead i've branched out and have my own fleet that are moving along nicely with the ebbs and flows, guns drawn and ready for battle.
i look forward to the moment when i get to hear him say "you sunk my battleship". nothing better than a good victory to seal the deal.
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