Current mood: blessed
I had a dream last night and it has me reeling.
I got to rest my very weary head in the arms of my love. I needed him. I needed that safe, soft place. Tender, loved and I fell asleep for a short time. But it was long enough for me to fall into a deep sleep and dream. I dreamed of a specific image that has been haunting me lately. The image was being painted, not by me or anyone that I knew but I was a voyeur in the dream, watching it being painted. And as this mystery person was painting, in my head I *heard* a poem that I know by heart.
When I was 15, my best friend gave me a collection of writings by Kahlil Gibran. It moved me and continues to resonate with me all these years later. As a young woman, I would study those pages, knew all of the writings by heart. This particular poem speaks beautifully to the gratitude of loving. It sways me and makes me soar. I have not read it in many years but for some reason, there it was last night. Word for word.
But this image, it’s something that has been haunting me. Dark, unedited, raw. Raymond Pettibon, Winged Heart…A somewhat universal symbol but it can be interpreted in so many different ways. Pettibon was familiar to me. He is an icon for a very specific generation of artists. His work can be emotional, expressive but is often simply graphic and elemental.
I became aware of this particular piece for several reasons. An edited version is used on the cover of a Foo Fighters album, and we all know I’m a Dave Grohl junkie. But it is also adorning my true love’s arm thanks to a beautifully crafted Italian tattoo. Although it’s representation, this heart with wings, can take on many familiar meanings, I had not been able to figure out exactly what it held for me.
Now I could have dreamed of these two distinctive parts of my subconscious for many reasons. It could be something as simple as being so physically and emotionally exhausted that I put them together, with no real meaning behind their joining. It could be because I was wrapped in this sweet man’s arms where this version of Pettibon’s imagine lay. But for some reason I just don’t buy it.
Instead I feel like I finally understand. I feel dizzy yet decidedly focused. So this holiday, I am thankful. Thankful for so very many things and people in my life. But I am especially thankful that my heart is soaring and that I have the freedom to let it go. I can’t wait to see where it takes me.
To melt and be like a running brook
That sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart
And give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer
For the beloved in your heart
And a song of praise upon your lips.
- Kahlil Gibran
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