january 30....not tonight, i have a headache

not tonight, i have a headache

current mood: grateful


Bitching. Plain old fashioned bitching. My married girlfriends who complain and bitch and moan about what they hate about their spouses. I have come to accept that it is just part of who they are and I love them regardless but I honest to God just don’t understand it. Before I go any further, I too have been sucked into the blackhole of bitchfestivities but try and stay as far away from that as possible.

What amazes me about a good majority of my friends is their constant stae of bitching. They bitch about how their husbands can’t dress themselves well. They bitch about how their husbands never help with the housework, the yard work, leaving the seat up and other petty bullshit. They bitch about how their husbands don’t listen to them or how they are preoccupied with college game day when they are clearly trying to have a discussion about wanting another child. Wha??? Fuck, you sit down next to hubba bubba while he’s watching a kickass ball game and you want to talk about expanding your family? Yep, I have no idea why he would ignore you. Timing, ladies, use your fucking brains.

But the biggest complaint, the absolute numero uno bitchfest revolves around sex. Their husbands want to have sex with them all the time, more often than they do and they are just not in the mood. Really? You aren’t in the mood for having an orgasm today.

What the hell is wrong with you people? Have you all gone mad?

I have one friend who tells me that she honestly would just rather reach over, give him a hand job before he gets in the shower so she can roll over and go back to sleep. That way she doesn’t have to get up and get too involved in the process. I have another friend who says that sex with her husband is great but too frequent. He wants to have sex every other day but she just can’t stand having to give it up more than twice a week max.

So here’s the part where they lose me. I understand being stressed out, tired, a mom, the in and outs of daily living and all that it involves. Especially when you have small children, time for sex can take a back seat to midnight feedings and homework. I get that sometimes one partner will be in the mood when the other isn’t. But you say that sex with your husband is great or you at least enjoy it the majority of the time, you reach orgasm, you engage in oral sex, you have the entire package. And yet you bitch and moan that he desires you more than twice a week?

Correct me if I’m wrong but sex is good. Sex can be mind blowing. Sex can be animalistic and raw or it can be an expression of love. It’s incredibly versatile and it’s a win/win situation however you do it. Any way you slice it, it fucking rocks! I believe that orgasms are Gods little way of giving something back to us for having to put up with all the assholes that populate this planet. Oral sex is yummy and juicy and delicious and anyone who doesn’t participate is missing out on the best part of the buffet. Granted, as I’ve said before, not all cocks are created equal. Yes, sex can become monotonous, boring, and stagnant after a while but seriously, ladies. You are really going to bitch and complain about good sex with the man you love? Give me a fucking break.

My advice to them is to get over it. Enjoy sex. Enjoy your body. Enjoy pleasing your partner and being pleased in return. And if you aren’t in the mood, just tell him. But quit bitching to me about how he is attracted to you and actually wants to fuck you. Frankly, I don’t want to hear about your 6am hand jobs before you make him breakfast. I don’t want to hear about how he wanted to fuck you in the morning after you had already given him nookie the night before. I don’t want to hear about how great sex is but if it just weren’t so frequent. Ladies, take off the panties, trim up the old burning bush, get naked and have some fun already.

Take my opinion with a grain of salt because frankly, I crave the satisfaction of sex, the entire act from gentle foreplay to sweaty exhaustion. I could easily have sex every damn day. What can I say. I have finally found my sexual equivalent. Besides which, sex with the right man is absolutely bitchin! So although I speak from my groin, listen to me when I tell you that life is way too short to complain about getting too much of a good thing.

Especially good sex.