Current mood: hungry
Mark asked me last night, during a heated encounter, how I could go from being married to someone like him (whatever that means) to falling in love with a man who “works on cars and likes to play with guns?” Wow. I’m still amazed that he can be so narrow minded and shallow as to judge a person on “looks” alone. Telling him that Switch is indeed a well educated, wicked smart, hard working, genuine man who is anything but a grease monkey is just pointless and not worth my time. He has indeed taken the art of douche-baggery to a whole new level.
Instead, I started doing a little "nookie inventory" if you will. I began looking back on my past relationships, fleeting and otherwise. I found that my tastes combined made for a veritable cornucopia of cock and the men attached to them.
Some were tall, thin, muscular, handsome, not so handsome, pudgy, stocky, hearty, meaty, dark skin, light skin, brown hair and green eyes, blonde hair and blue eyes. Big cocks, little cocks, medium cocks oh my! Some were great in bed, some were average in the sack, some were downright horrific and some rocked my world. Jewish, Southern Baptist, Buddhist, atheists. Smart, wicked smart, dumb as a rock, brilliant, artistic, logical, emotional, romantic, destructive, funny, pigheaded, full of shit. Some treated me with respect and some treated me as if I were nothing.
Granted, I have had more than my fair share of one night stands and short lived flings. But I have also had a string of serious relationships that have had a lasting impact on me. And those men, they are all completely different emotionally, physically, spiritually. Nothing about these men is the same and to put them into a category of type would be impossible.
What was I looking for in these men that were all so different? What was I hungry for anyway? None of them resembled one another physically. They came from different backgrounds and financial upbringings. They had different goals, dreams, accomplishments and failures. And their personalities were all unique. Did I need a friend, a lover, a little of both? Was I looking for a good time, someone to make me think outside the box or someone who didn’t make me think at all?
What I found when looking back on my “man buffet” were lots and lots of menu choices that each tasted very different. None of them satisfied my hunger but I took away a lesson from each of them, even the men whose names escape me. I learned a little about myself, my likes and dislikes, what felt good and what felt foreign. What made me hungry and what made me thirsty. I discovered more and more about myself with each step I took with these men. Some only spent the night. Some didn’t even get that far before I threw them to the curb. Some stayed for a while and some stayed for a long time and I gave them a piece of myself.
But there is no doubt that every one of these men gave me something. I was able to explore the depths of what I wanted, what I needed through the variety of tastes that they offered me. My hunger has evolved and I am no longer easily satiated. In the past, I have perused the man menu and tried many a dish.But my tastes have changed and become more refined. I have indeed discovered my true palette and it is discerning.
I will not settle for the overcooked, dry, tough cuts of flavorless meat that have been on my menu in the past. I’m no longer hungry for what they offer. Not for this girl. I want the fillet. A fillet that is tender, juicy and packed with a punch of flavor. I want it to melt in my mouth. Wrap it in smoked bacon, give it a nice pepper laced searing over an oak fire and serve it medium rare on an exquisite plate with a nice glass of merlot. This girl finally knows what she wants to order and it taste so very good.
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