august 1

August 1, 2009 - Saturday 

a place to vent Current mood:  aroused decided to start using this again. it's been a while but its the only place i can get away. fbook has too many friends. they don't need to hear the shit that i think about. feeling artistic, voyeuristic, confused, humbled. i screamed my ass off yesterday and it didn't feel as good as i thought it would. that happens sometimes. i think, i'll just get it out. get it all out. spew it everywhere and then poof, all will be right in the world. but it doesn't work that way. not for me at least. i never feel like it's all out. and i'm wanting to paint again. strange because it's always there. these ideas. these rants i have with myself. and they always spring new life to whatever art is there. but its overwhelming. i want to cover these walls, cover myself, be expressive. something is alive in me that hasn't been in a long time. i don't even know how to understand it. it's been gone for so long. but like an old lover, it always feels right, it comes back and touches me and it feels like home. i know why. i know who. and i'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other and see where it takes me. i'm done being serious. i'm done thinking of what will happen. i don't want to think about it anymore, i just want to move through it. no matter how much it's going to hurt i'll move through it and feel it and submerge myself in it. should be an interesting journey.