september 28

September 28, 2009 - Monday 

fucking ruby slippers an old friend sent me a link to a horoscope today. we have been friends since we were kids and she has always had an uncanny way of knowing when my life is, well, a mess. intuitively i do the same thing with her. almost feels like the "twin" phenomenon that people speak of but we are in no way related by blood, only by our restless spirits. last night she said she dreamed of me and i was throwing plates and glasses out the front door onto the concrete driveway. i was screaming but she couldn't hear what i was saying. just that i was filled with rage. breaking everywhere. she woke up, called me to see if i'm ok (which i am not) and to see if i needed some new dishware. she pulled her horoscope. she does it every morning. automatic delivery to her inbox. but today she pulled up mine and forwarded it my way. Libra: Thoughts turn to home for awhile, and putting things in order inside and outside your abode will be both necessary and pleasing. Rearrange things to suit, redecorate, put a fresh look on things and you'll rejuvenate yourself. On a deeper level, you'll be able to delineate your personal bottom line: where you feel comfortable, when you want to be alone--the foundations of your inner security. now, i'm not a huge believer in horoscopes that are computer generated but i do believe that some of the astrological concepts are very real. with that said, interesting little horoscope today. and i was just looking at paint colors to change a room in my house. huh. inner security. now that's something i would like to figure out. inner security, peace of mind, warm and soft place to land. foundations of who i am and where i stand. problem is, i am pulled in so many different directions, i am not sure where the foundation lies any longer. it's like the house in the wizard of oz. up into the tornado. swirling, spinning out of control, carried by a natural force and there isn't a thing that the dwellings' inhabitant can do about it. poor dorothy just wants it to stop spinning and finally land right back in a place she knows. but we all know that didn't happen. instead it landed on the witch. and she took her red ruby slippers. and her adventure and nightmare began. but in the end, she is a better person, a more aware person for putting on those red shoes. she learns a lesson and carries it back with her to kansas. she finds her happy place. she knows where her foundation lies. well i want a happy place. i want foundation and inner security. i want some ruby slippers but i want mine to have come fuck me high heels and a matching bra. i want them to sparkle and shine and make me feel grounded. i want my foundation to be defined by me and me alone. but first i need to get this house to stop spinning. it's starting to make me fucking sick.