september 9

September 9, 2009 - Wednesday 

evolution.... yep, another day under my belt. wednesday. probably the last one for a while that will be relatively calm. so i thought, i'll be really proactive and get a bunch of shit done around here. well, i wasn't nearly as productive as i would have liked but i'll take what i can get. it does tend to put me in quite a piss though. blegh. laundry, pick up, drop off, clean, cook, file, paperwork, bank, grocery....this housewife, trying to make things "smooth" and "even" thing is not cracking up to be nearly as much fun as being a dirty little girl. don't get me wrong. i am thankful and incredibly humbled by everything that i have been given in my life, especially my little redheads. damn, my kids are cool. and i know that life can't always be exciting or adventurous. i know that even if i lived a different life, one away from this marriage, the chores and laundry, cleaning, cooking, filing, paperwork, banking and grocery shopping will still be there. it's reality. i get it. i aint dummm. but i live right now for being a different person. for being the person who loves more than she thought possible. the woman who feels like a girl again. wanted, loved, sexy, uninhibited. iris is her name. i like iris. she laughs a shitload and lives life a little fuller, more openly, happily. she also sings a lot. she kicks ass. the coolest part is that she's in love with a man who is the real deal. a man that loves her just as she is. a man with integrity, honesty, trust, humor, passion. a man with a name. finally, he has a name. all this time and he finally has a name. never thought i would find him. ever. so who am i? really, it's a question we all ask at some point, probably several times throughout our lives. mostly in our late teens and twenties but as i approach 40...okay, not for a few years...i am faced with the same question that i posed to myself 20 years ago. who the fuck am i? it's safe to say i'm not happy with the way things have turned out. hell, i don't know anyone who is exactly where they want to be. it's called change, people. we are constantly evolving. but where am i going? where will this evolution take me? hell, wish i knew so i could take the next step. but i do believe that iris will have to stay around a little longer and help me figure things out....she's a fucking riot! 1989 and 2009....crazy coincidence that these two pictures are "posed" in the same way. in no way was this intentional...crazy stuff. 89-on the cusp of 17 and today-on the cusp of 37.