september 8

September 8, 2009 - Tuesday 

wound tight i'm sitting here unable to sleep, anxious, very aware of my body right now. aware that it's tense, feels unwell, unkept, tight. i hate this feeling. well, tonight is one of those nights.. i should say morning, rather, since it's 1:37am. good lord, and i have two small children who will want me beginning at 6:30. fuck, it's going to be an ugly start to the day. but this unrest. that's what it is, unrest. i'm feeling overly sexual and wanting, needing to just get fucked. plain and simple. honestly, as much as i'm a sexual person, i love the feeling of being emotionally tied to a lover. you would think otherwise given my sexual prowess and the fact that i went through a bit of a "slutty" phase when i was younger. i don't regret it but do hate the idea of being considered a slut instead of a curious young woman. hell, i deserved to be curious too but somehow one night stands don't fair as well for women as they do for men. hypocrites. but back to the emotional part of the sexual experience. sometimes i just don't want that. i just want to be carnal, animalistic, primal. other times i don't even care about the orgasm itself. it's the act of being with a man that you love, you love deeply and passionately. as if you can't breath without him. that his very breath is your own.  so my body remains, well, unsatisfied and wound tight as a drum. i want that release. and i don't want to necessarily feel anything. i want to just get fucked. fucked like a real woman who wants a real man to satisfy that need. is that so wrong? i think not. but, i find myself sitting here, wanting what i can't have right now and having what i don't need. can't a girl just get some dick around here?