august 24

August 24, 2009 - Monday 

movement Main Entry: move·ment Pronunciation: ..ˈmüv-mənt.. Function: noun Date: 14th century 2 a : tendency, trend ..movement toward fairer pricing> b : a series of organized activities working toward an objective; also : an organized effort to promote or attain an end ..movement> oh yes, back to the dictionary for me. i was reminded yesterday that in order to progress, move forward, to obtain movement, you have to keep moving. makes sense to me. so why is it that it's so hard to move? why am i so scared of the possibility of no longer being in one place, stagnant, but instead alive and rippling. i feel like it's what we all want. to live our lives to the fullest, blah blah blah...but i haven't done that. i don't know anyone who really has. honestly, i can't think of  anyone i know that has lived each and every moment to the fullest. in fact, i can think of most people i know who barely live. they simply shuffle back and forth through things. occasionally changing their direction but only slightly. don't know if it's even possible to take every moment of every day to heart and reap it's full benefits. but i strive to enjoy it more than i do now. i think it's because the comfort of knowing where your feet are planted feels safe. even if those feet are planted in quick sand, we ignore the threat of sinking. we would rather walk on broken glass, bleeding, raw  than walk where the ground is deep, warm, rich but yet unknown. where the ground becomes a part of you, not just a surface. but that means opening of yourself. giving of yourself to something that is entirely foreign. trust. is that what it comes down to for me? i have trust issues, sure. most people do. my heart has been broken, my body has been fucking violated, my soul has been in despair. but i feel like i trust others sometimes more than i trust myself. to find that inner voice that screams from your bowels, screams your name time and time again yet we ignore it...that's the one that scares me. that's the one i haven't yet learned to trust entirely. it scares me because it moves me. it moves my imagination, my insecurities, my knowledge, my very existence. that movement toward something great. that movement toward happiness and fullfillment and hope. that movement must have a purpose but no guarantees. am i ready to pick up my feet and move? Follow that will and that way which experience confirms to be your own. Carl Jung