september 14

September 14, 2009 - Monday 

pissed with a headache and a carpet of legos it appears that i may very well be losing what little sense of self i have left, whatever that was, still not entirely sure. what i do know is that i can't seem to do anything right now. no productivity whatsover. seriously, i fucked away an entire day for nothing. now don't get me wrong, i believe that productivity isn't always necessary and often times highly overrated. simply a ploy to trick oneself into believing that they have contributed something to this world when all they have done is spin the wheel a little harder. thinking bob barker and the price is right. man, i loved that show growing up. i digress. i believe a great deal of life changing decisions, inner discoveries and general illumination comes from fucking off. just fucking off and not doing anything productive. no shower, no laundry, hell, don't brush your teeth first thing in the morning. pointless once you take that sip of coffee anyway. your breath smells like ass instantly when you add that lovely columbian mix to crest. again, not sure where i'm going with this. oh yeah. productivity. but here's the kicker. i've wasted my day away, pining for something substantial. i didn't do the laundry, the dishes, no shower, didn't pick up one single toy from the immense pile of legos and hotwheels that occupy most of my living space.  but also no life changing decisions, no in depth analysis as to what or where my life is taking me, not even a fantastic thought. just nothing. absolutely blank. all this fucking off and not one single solitary ah ha moment, not even a semblance of peace or understanding or happiness. nothing. i take that back...i did brush my teeth a few times but only because it's just uncivilized to have that bad of breath the entire day. i may be a heathen but i have my standards. instead i'm pissed. i'm just fucking pissed and want to punch a wall. i've done it before but really don't want to do it right now. besides, the kiddies are home, the cats are sleeping, everyone seems fairly content except for yours truly. instead, my head rages on toward what appears to be another excruciating headache. my body feels tired and worn. my ass seems bigger than usual. actually, i think it is bigger than usual. damn i hate being fat. so i'm pissed. all that fucking off and all i am is pissed and still stepping on legos. fucking little legos.